


Rules

by JaciSerigala



Series: JelRay Drabbles [9]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 16:17:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16836142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaciSerigala/pseuds/JaciSerigala
Summary: "they were imprisoned by their scars and past."





	Rules

"they were imprisoned by their scars and past."

They had established rules from the get go. Neither of them were perfect, and they had more scars and wounds and had cried more tears than anyone would ever know, so they needed the boundaries to keep themselves safe from the spiky pit that love was known to be. Gray knew this, but sometimes, he wished that he could break these rules, as he laid awake, next to the sleeping bluenette.

First, listening.

They were broken men. They had been cut and burned and torn down ever since they were children, and their wounds and fears ran deeper than their blood. Deeper than their love, Gray sometimes thought. He appreciated this rule, as it never pushed or took anything from him, it only gave him a safety net to fall back on, when they were hurting. If only they actually used it. Gray had so much to say, so much to cry and rage about, so much pain to let go of, so much love to express. But, just like Jellal, he had grown used to internalizing thoughts and feelings, dealing with them alone, regardless of whether they actually could or not. They were used to the world's disinterest, and neither could completely believe in the other.

Second, no 'I love you's.

Gray didn't mind this rule too much, as he had always been able to communicate so much more through gestures, rather than through words. But despite the enforcement, Gray was 90% sure in what he felt for his partner, and though he could still show that through his actions, sometimes, he wanted to tell Jellal that this was real.

"i do. i really do." He whispered, as he pressed his forehead into the older's collarbone, he stared at nothing in particular, as his hands rested weakly on Jellal's sides, no strength in him.

And finally, no kissing.

It was no secret that Jellal had a massive guilt complex, and as such, he didn't believe that he deserved a relationship with someone as 'good' as Gray apparently was. Gray was no stranger to self-loathing, either, but he wished that he could kiss away the demons that haunted his partner, regardless of how hypocritical he was. He wished that he could find the courage and right situation to scoop Jellal up into his arms and kiss him until he couldn't breathe. But Jellal never let their lips linger together for longer than a second, and Gray wanted those lips. Kisses were meant to heal, after all.

Staring sombrely at the elder mage, he reached out and ghosted his fingers over his lips, almost tempted to kiss them whilst he had the chance. But Jellal had stopped him from breaking that barrier so many times, that he didn't have the courage to push that boundary, even when he was asleep. Sighing dejectedly, Gray settled for leaning in to press his lips to the other's forehead.

Looking down, Gray sighed as he let his eyes slip closed, clinging to his lover desperately. The rules were dragging him down slowly, because he wanted to give Jellal the world, but he knew that his efforts would be rejected.

Because Jellal 'didn't deserve it'.

Except he did.

He did deserve love and forgiveness and Gray. And it was slowly killing the ice mage, that he couldn't show Jellal this.

Sleep eventually won over, but he never moved away from the heavenly body mage, needing the affection that their situation offered, despite the limitations, with the need of a starving wolf.

Jellal's eyes slid open, and he looked at Gray's bowed head. Sighing, he pulled the younger closer and closed his eyes to sleep once more.

"i'm sorry. i do too."


End file.
